Each family has a secret
Or two or three or so
The Bamfords are no exception
And that we surely know
A member lives about us
In our very own house
Known only as the ghost
And is as quiet as a mouse
He eats all the candy
An empty bag he leaves
Dribbles on the toilet seat
Everytime he pees
Uses the last of the paper
Doesn't replace the roll
Hangs the towels up crooked
Doesn't seem to have a soul
To the kitchen at 1 AM
He will quietly creep
Eats all the cookies
While we are all asleep
Heidi doesn't do it
Mary doesn't do it
And Jill never does a thing like that
And if whoever does it
Is too finky to admit it
Well then he's just a rat
When I question each family member
The answer I get the most
Is, "Don't worry, Mom,
It's only the Bamford ghost"
I wring my hands in sorrow
I weep in my despair
My kids reply, "Tomorrow
He will be - we know not where
For all to thing about
My question remains the same
Does your house have a ghost
Foe everyone to put the blame?
If not, you're so unlucky
For surely you must agree
Even though he's never seen
Out ghost is family

 

        Joan Bamford